Shabbat shalom.

With Parashat Vayiggash we near the end of the Book of Genesis and the story of Joseph’s experience in Egypt winds down. Joseph finally reveals his true identity to his brothers and asks, “Is my father still well?” The brothers, naturally are stunned – and quite worried – because when they left off with their younger brother they had just sold him into Egyptian slavery. They certainly never expected to see him again – and certainly not as ruler over all of Egypt!

Joseph puts their minds at ease. He only wants to know about his father. It seems that he has missed his father for all of the intervening years, and he assumes that his father has suffered both physically and emotionally from the loss of his favorite son, as well. Joseph is desperate to see his father. Jacob, for his part, is equally moved by the news that Joseph is still alive. “Enough!” said Israel. “My son Joseph is still alive! I must go and see him before I die” (Gen. 45:28).

The bonds between parents and children are powerful and cannot be overestimated. Many of us are blessed with positive and meaningful experiences or memories of nurturing and loving parents. We look to our parents as role models and as our cheerleaders par excellence, and we are proud of the positive influence that our parents have had on our lives as role models. Some of us do not see our parents in that same light. Our relationships may be strained or even non-existent. Nevertheless, I would submit that even under such circumstances we live as the products of our parents – perhaps not because we seek to emulate them but because we choose to live differently in reaction to certain objectionable traits or qualities. What is consistent is that each generation follows the last and through such evolution we experience gradual change as we mix elements of the past with those of the present. The outcome is our reality as we know it.

Rabbi Harold Schulweis tells the story of a congregant who came to him in crisis following the loss of his father. “My father was not a good man, a good husband or a good father. Why should I say kaddish for him?” Schulweis responded with great wisdom and understanding, “If you cannot mourn for the man that he was, mourn for the father that you never had.”

May we be blessed with relationships that endure the passage of time, the stresses of our lives, and the challenges that we experience as unique individuals in the world. May we be privileged to look upon our parents as those who gave us life and nurtured us to face the world with strength and goodness. And may the positive qualities of all those who love us live through us as we grow and learn from their examples so that we can continue the work of transforming the world day by day.

Shabbat shalom.